Guilt
by starbright
Summary: [Completed]Bosco reflects on Mikey’s death for the first time since the shooting, and the guilt that he feels about, will something happen that make him let go of the guilt he feels?


Guilt

Disclaimer: I don't own Third Watch or it's characters

Summary: Bosco reflects on Mikey's death for the first time since the shooting, and the guilt that he feels about, will something happen that make him let go of the guilt he feels?

Author's Note: I guess you sort of say this is a follow- up to "Someone Like You! I'm guessing that Bosco is 34! Thanks for all your help Lia!

I walked down the stairs towards the cemetery to where my brother is buried. This is the first time that I have been here. I didn't even get to be there when they bury my little brother because I was lying in a hospital bed.

I came closer to the tombstone, and kneel down.  
_  
Michael Boscorelli_

Loving son and brother

1972- 2004

A single tear falls down my cheek. "I'm so sorry Mikey that I wasn't there for you like a big brother should be."

Big brother, I shouldn't even be called that, a big brother is supposed to look after their little brother, and keep them safe, but I didn't.

Maurice Boscorelli, a New York Police Officer, I save and protect complete strangers, but I couldn't protect my own brother.

Sighing, I touch the tombstone. Why couldn't I save my own brother? It was my fault that he got murdered. It should have been me, I was the one that Mann wanted dead not Mikey.

"Mikey, I hope you will forgive me one day, I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you."

_I'll be your brother if you let me be your brother. You gotta let me._

What kind of brother I am? I ask him to let me help him, to turn himself into the police, because I thought that was the best thing for him. I knew that he would have to go to jail, but I never thought that he would die because he was trying to help me. I never thought that it would be me – that I would kill him. For all the things I prepared for – waiting to get that call that he had overdosed in some god awful place – but never this.

Because I was chased after a drug's lord son, and by doing that I sign my own brother's death wish. Mann wanted to make me suffer, and he knows that by killing my brother, that I would.

The scars will heal but the knowledge that I am responsible for Mikey's death that will never fade. That's what Mann has left me with.

Ma was the one that suffer the most, she almost lost both of her sons in the same period of time.

((

I put down the flowers that I brought Mikey on his gravestone. Mikey would love that. Flowers for him. Flowers from the police.

Flowers for Mikey. Talk about ironic.

_"I just talked to him yesterday."_

"I'm sorry, man."

"Come one… No. You're wrong. You're wrong."

I can still remember the looks on Sully, Ty and Lieu's face when they walked into the locker room. I knew that something was wrong, but I thought that Mikey got in trouble again, I never thought that they were going to tell me that Mikey was the victim that we found earlier in the shift. I just didn't believe it, it couldn't be my brother, but it was.

I touch the touchstone, my fingers tracing his name, tears pricking my eyes. "I'm so sorry for being such a failure. If I was a good police officer, I would have been able to save your life before it was too late,"

I suddenly felt someone touched my shoulder. "Maurice..." she spoke softly.

I looked up and saw Ma standing in front of me. I looked into her eyes, and all I could see was sadness, and that was all because of me.

"I don't blame you, Maurice, I never did."

I stood up, and looked into her eyes. "I wasn't there for him, Ma. I should have made sure that nothing happened to him, but I didn't, and now he is gone because of me,"

"Why do you always have to feel guilty about everything in your life?"

"Ma," I said. "It is not everything in my life, it's Mikey. Big brothers are supposed to look out for their siblings, and especially ones who is a police officer, but I didn't."

She placed her hand on my shoulder. "You have to let go of all this guilt that you feel about his death, Maurice. Think about your recovery, it's not going to do you any good. I know Michael wouldn't want to see you like this," she answered.

"We'll never know what Mikey would want now, we will," I replied sadly.

"I'm worried about you, Maurice."

I looked up at her, I couldn't bear to see the pain in her face, I don't want her to worry about me, she has enough to deal with this year.

"You don't need to worry about me, I'm fine," I replied, but I could tell that she didn't believe a word I said to her.

"So how did you know that I was here anyway?"

"Faith told me. She knew that you wanted to come here for a long time, I heard that she wanted to come with you,"

I nodded. "I needed to do it by myself. Just me and Mikey,"

"I'll go then," Rose responded.

"No, stay with me,"

((

I don't know how long we sat there together, just me and Ma, we talked about Mikey, the memories we had of him. Some were funny and some were sad.

I watched as she put some flowers next to mine, and I saw a single tear fall down her cheek. I don't know how she does, trying to be all brave for me when I know she is still trying to deal with everything, my shooting and Mikey's death.

She looked at me. "I'm going to go now; do you need a ride home?"

"No, I think I'm going to stay here for a few more minutes, I need to say goodbye to Mikey by myself, you understand,"

" Of course I do, just don't stay too long, Maurice."

I smiled at her. "I won't,"

I looked back at the tombstone. "Well I guess this is a goodbye, Mikey. I will try and come by more often. I miss you, Mikey"

As I was getting up, I could swear I hear Mikey's voice, but I don't believe in ghosts, they are stupid things that crazy people believe, but not me. Unless I am going crazy.

"Mo. I'm over here,"

I turned around, and saw Mikey standing in front of me.

"You aren't here!' I replied, as I walked away from him.

"You don't have to take the blame for my death; it wasn't your fault,"

This isn't happening; I'm not talking to a ghost.

"Mo, I know this scary for you, but I had to come down here, and help you,"

"Help me?"

" I'm been watching you since you got shot, I know that you had to go through a lot in this past months. It wasn't your fault."

"It was,"

"Mo, you were always the one that could never forget about the past. You need to think about yourself right now. You are going to go back to the police force, and be the best officer I know, and everything is going to be okay again, but you have to let go of my death, and deal with it."

" But Mikey I wasn't there for you like a big brother should have been," I couldn't believe I was arguing with a ghost, if anybody saw me now they would think I'm crazy, but maybe I am.

"You were the best brother that I could ever have. Please don't blame yourself, I don't. I love you, Mo."

"Where are you going?" I shouted.

"I've got to go now, Mo," Mikey replied, as he started to disappear. The last thing that Mikey said was "Let the guilt go."

I stood there in shock and disbelief about what just happened, all I think about was what Mikey said to me.

_  
"Let the guilt go,"_

That is exactly what I am going to do for Mikey, it is not going to be an easy thing, but I am going to let the guilt that I feel for his death go.

It is the least that I could do for my little brother.

Because that's what brothers do - they looked out for each other. It wasn't until now that it was Mikey, not me

And this time I wouldn't fail.


End file.
